Remember the Beach Party movies of the 1960’s? They were made quickly and cheaply with the barest excuse for a plot (and the barest excuse for swimsuits they could get away with in those days).
Somehow, when they decided to make one more trip to beach in 1987 with Paramount Pictures’ Back to the Beach, they made it look just as cheap and feeble as the original films!
Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello are the stars (natch) only instead of being “Frankie and Dee Dee” as they were called in the original series, they’re now named “Annette” and “Annette’s Husband” (no, we’re not making that up).
What little plot there is revolves around a return trip to Malibu where their grown-up daughter is “living in sin” (remember that concept?) with a new generation of surfer. Also along for the ride is their young son, who actually looks like he could be Eric Von Zipper’s kid (although Harvey Lembeck is nowhere to be found). If we were Frankie, we’d get a DNA test stat. Just sayin’…
Anyway, Frankie’s become a car salesman in Ohio who couldn’t do “surf’s up” if you gave him Viagra. Annette has a serious Skippy problem, and Connie Stevens (who was never in the original series) shows up as the divorced woman on the make, putting the moves on Frankie.
Along the way, you also get cameo appearances by a whole raft of Baby Boom TV icons: Wally & the Beav, Gilligan, Maxwell Smart and more.
You also get Stevie Ray Vaughn jammin’ on the classic instrumental “Pipeline” with surf music legend Dick Dale.
Just when you think things couldn’t get any weirder, Pee Wee Herman pops up out of nowhere to sing “Surfin’ Bird” (we repeat, we are not making this up).
There are some of those really phony looking shots of the stars riding surfboards inside a Hollywood soundstage, a couple of gratuitous jokes about Annette’s two biggest assets, and a surfing competition where June Cleaver gets to say “crapola.”
If you’re feeling nostalgic or want something to play in the background while you engage in a little mid-life make-out session, you might want to rent or stream Back to the Beach this weekend.
Now, anybody know what happened to Gidget and Moondoggie?
